Are you someone who ends up working long hours while your colleagues party on the weekends because you took on the responsibility of finishing that long report? Or are you the friend who works the hardest on a group project? If so, then you might be a people pleaser.
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- What makes you a people pleaser?
- How does being overly responsible make you a people pleaser?
- 9 signs you’re doing too much
- How can you help yourself?
What makes you a people pleaser?
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Simply put, someone who is helpful and kind can be a people pleaser. Anyone who feels the need to gain validation by helping others or even going beyond their limits to make things happen for someone else is a people pleaser.
However, this habit of pleasing others takes a negative turn when a person begins to feel the cost of helping others on their physical, mental, or emotional well-being. People pleasers are agreeable, often apologize for things that are not their fault, find it difficult to say no, change their opinions and personalities depending on their environment, and measure their worth based on how others perceive them.
How does being overly responsible make you a people pleaser?
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Moving on to the topic of people-pleasing, psychologist Dr. Lalitaa Suglani says that most overly responsible people are also pleasers. In a recent Instagram post, she wrote, “They often do good things for the wrong reasons because they don’t know any other way to do it.” [sic] front facing.”
9 signs you’re doing too much
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Lalitaa gave people nine points to help them recognize if they were part of this overly responsible, people-pleasing group. Read the points below and find out if you are a people pleaser but also overly responsible:
1. You feel guilty for saying no or being you
2. You have difficulty receiving or asking for help.
3. You constantly worry about upstaging other people.
4. You deprioritize your needs and expectations
5. You always assume that others won’t take responsibility, so you end up very busy.
6. You seek extreme independence
7. You begin to take on other people’s emotions.
8. You often end up playing therapist with your friends and family.
9. You feel resentful when people feel they are entitled to your kindness and support.
How can you help yourself?
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Well, discovering that you practice these habits without knowing it can never be too “pleasant”, but there are healthy changes you can make on a daily basis that will help you get out of this whirlwind.
The psychologist suggests that the first step for anyone should be to start setting limits. Healthy boundaries can solve half the problem of pleasing people. Dr. Lalitaa notes that it’s important to keep in mind that “the limits depend on you and your needs.”
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To please people, it is essential to always remember: “You can’t change other people.” To keep things under control, people who suffer the consequences of pleasing other people should decide what they tolerate. Lastly, he wrote: “Don’t stress over someone’s negative response, we have no control over how they react and not everyone is going to like us.”
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Source: vtt.edu.vn